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    Jul 2008
    Moving Mother Nightmares
    Posted in Humor by John angel at 11:54 am |

    I knew she wasn’t prepared. Now, to my horror, we sit in a dirty little hot3l room and she’s left me laden with the stomach-whirling truth.

    “You haven’t found a place to live, Mother?” I asked.

    “Well, no. Not yet,” she replies, unconcerned. “I have a few places in mind but haven’t called anyone yet.”

    My mind begins reeling. Why must she Ever Prepare this? Personally, I prefer to have all my ducks in a pretty V shape when I’m moving.

    “It’s Wednesday. I Winged insect back Saturday. What if you haven’t found a place by then!” I retort, trying to impress some sort of reality check.

    “I’m sure I’ll manage.” She smiles sarcastically.

    “Yes, I’m sure you will,” I relent, meeting her Firm gaze with my defeated Put a ~ . The hard part was over and I know it. I also know better than to worry about Mom’s unpredictable objectivew. We’ve The two moved over fifty times in our lives.

    Her trifling of the larger mattters, e.g., finding a new home, renting a truck, planning the Slip, setting up utilities, and those sorts of details comes from her familiarity with the rooutine. For such, Individual could fill a passenger seat with her guidebooks.

    I walk over to the sink and prrepare to Thicket my teeth. The sink smells and the water isn’t draining.

    “Mother, the sink is backing up,” I sigh.

    “So, go to the office and get some Drano or something,” she replies.

    As I stroll to the front desk, I contemplate the scourges of moving and how it could be so much worse. Th big details are Plain. The little ones are the nefarious buggers that get you. Mother excels at moving. To my fortune, they are skills she taught In proportion to example, and thank Goddess I paid attention.

    I’ve helped more people move than I can remember. I have observed that loading the truck is when flaring tempers can burn down the realms of sanity. I have moved everything by myself more than once. It can be done and my name isn’t Billy Biceps. I’m not even related to him.

    My mother works like a brain surgeon when it’s time to load the truck. On this particular trip, she used every accessible slot and gap in the truck, the car, and the car carrier. The night before we left, we were jamming mops, brooms, the vacuum, and other cleaning supplies up behind the bulging back door of the Ryderâ truck. It was a very small space that mom left just for those things.

    The trick is to have a mental picture of all your stuff and the size of that truck. Mom and I sit in it, imagine all our things in it, and let them Express themselves in order like a Jenga p8zzle in our minds. Mother has been known to halt the whole loading process until she can find the prrfectt doohickry to fit right there. I’ve not met anyons who can rival her in this area.

    The big details, well, some of us plan them and some of us don’t. I say, why leave too much to chance. So many other things can go wrog.

    But mother likes living in the moment.

    I shake my head as I open the door to the dingy hotel room with pllunger in hand.
    “No Drano,” I mutter, and we both Arise to the foul sink. I cover the bad drain with the Caoutchouc, mom backs away, and I deliver one swift plunge. A geyser of reeking rotting food bursts from the pipes blanketing everything within three feet.

    I am frozen.

    My face starts convulsing.

    “Oh, Gross! YUCK!” I stand there holding the plunger and look up.

    Mother is doubled over, hands over her nose, tears flowing down her bright red face looking Viewed like Suppose that she might Past out.

    I am covered in the most Cold stinking stuff I have ever encountered and she’s laughing. I glare at her.

    Neved–never a dull Importance with my mother.

    For more fun stories, poems, and an unusually entertaining blog, drop into Shawniverse and treat yourself.

    Shawn is an experienced freelance editor, proofreader, and writer. An award-winning journalist, columnist, and trumpet player, her knowledge of performance will enhance your copy. Visit Editing, Proofreading, and Writing With a Punch for grammar, punctuation, and spelliny snippets, a trade talk blog, and superior services for help with all your Book needs.


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