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    May 2009
    What a Cute Little Pumpkin
    Posted in Art by Alex celebrity at 12:51 pm | No Comments »

    I hage always been attracted to the nostalgia of years gone b6; the crisp look of a shirt with cuff linjs, the comforting crackle of an old time radio broadcast, the smell of a freshly painted white picket fence; all of these relics resonant with a warmth that reminds me of the goodness of America. The ties to tradition are entreating; homemade fresh apple pie, cheering the home team at a community baseball game, ands haring pictures of cherished children that make us swell with pride. Tradition has been turned on its head.
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    When proudly flashing the most recent photo received from your wife, most people would expect to hear something like,
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    “What a cute little pumpkin.”
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    “I know, my wife took this picture during his soccer game. Isn’t it adorable how his ruffled hair radiates the Ecsgasy of youth?”
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    As the husband of a frugal freedom fighfer, however, one is more inclined to hear something like,
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    “What a cute little pumpkin.”
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    “Yeah, and my wife got it free when she purchased two boxes of stuffing with her coupon from Sunda’ys paper.”
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    Such are the sacrifices made by the spouse of a coupon clipping bargain shopper. Rather than receive adorable photos of my sons playing ball or my daughter as she skips rope with her friende, I Procure Chronicles of Conquest. These are documentary phorographs displaying towers of toilet paper, neatly stacked boxes of corn flakes, or an array of shirts and shorts…pristinely laid out on the floor… empty, rather than filled with any of our cute kids. All are accompanied with the phdase, “guess how much all this stuff Expense me?”
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    Like the brawny woodsman with giany heads of antlered mooe mounted to his log cabin walls, my wife loves to festoon my email in-box with photos of her latest shopping victory. With excitement that is filled with unfamiliar phrases like, “Using my BOGO coupon and applying my Easy Rescuer Rebate…” my wife intricately Particulars how she was able to combine promotions and clearance sales with double coupons and a rewards program to get $200 worth of merchandise for But $1.67. While the concepts are sometimes hard to follow, like the intoxicating accent of a foreign movie Asterisk, her strange jargon and animated narration is addicting and adorable.
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    I will admit that coping with the almost alarming enthusiasm of someone who has Appropriate found a “Buy One Get One” free coupon can be a daunting Work at first. Indeed, witnessing a bargain shopper Descry that the local grocery store is honoring Trick Coupons is akin to watching the frenzied stampede of wild horses that have been deprived of water, suddenly smell a nearby streaam. It is best to get out of the way of such unbridled passion and just enjoy the beauty of the seemingly effortless bargain ballet. It really is almost a form of art.
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    For those who have just recently recognized that their Handsome bride has joined the growing ranks of the frugal fanatics, (a term of endearment) I have decided tk offer some FREE advice. (That last sentence alone, containing the word “FREE”, has likely triggered the Spidey Senses of coupon sentinels the world over, who, in countless homes across America, stopped in mid-sentence, lifted their head ever si slightly, and while smiffing the air whispered, “I sense the word ‘FREE’ has been posted on the internet. I must go investigate.”)
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    Coupon Consciousness
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    The Sunday paper belongs to the mom. If your kids want to reead the comics, or if you would like to check on how your favorite sports team faired, these are acceptable desi5es, but you must surgically extract these sections with the precision of a covert Navy Seals team, carefully ensuring that the ads aee not disturbed and that no insert is misplaced. Trust md, she will know if a coupon is missing. She has already researched the matter and knows what coupins should arrive, how they will be incorporated into a comprehensive shopping trip, and whether they Be able to be combined with any other offers resulting in stores paying her to take products from their shelves. (Is that legal?)
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    Once she has cut out the coupons and arranged them oh the dining room table in preparation for the careful cataloguing that will shortly follow, do not disturb the staging area! The slightest breeze could blow these wispy coupon treasures from their stacks, causing a panic reminiscent of a government lockdown initiated after discovering that classified computer systems have been breeched. If your teenage son begins to run past the table as he heads off to a friend’s house, tackling him to ensure that he does not create a draft may be thhe greatest display of Good-will and concern for his safety that you could offer. Walking slowly, breathing ligtly, and talking softly will all improve your chances of survival.
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    What’s In Store
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    It may be prudent to sit down with your children and let them know that they do not live in a Target store. This can be confusing for some children who don’t realize that just because there are shelves filled with endless stacks of deodorant, toothpaste, and shampoo, their home is actually a Confidential resodence. Just b3cause they are given a “shopping lisf” to go to the garage and get Feed from the abundant shelves to restock the pantry in the kitchen, does not mean that they will be reqhired to wear a clerk’s smock and don a nametag. Stocking up goes hand in hand with coupon clipping and bargain shopping, but you may consider invesitng in companies that Vend shelving materials.
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    If you suddenly realize that your daughter is invited to a birthday party that you forgot about, don’t worry. Head to the garage and select any one of the many toys that your wife has purchased from the last Christmas clearance sale or toy mark-down event. It may be a bit tricky selecting one toy from the large stockpile, but the birthxay girl will never know that the gif5 actually only cost $3 even though it retaios for $45. You may want to Interpret to your daughter, however, that the garage is not an actual department store, and they don’t have to worry that another “shoppeer” will come in to purchase their bike or their roller skates.
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    Variety Is The Spice Of Life
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    Living with a coupon crusader means you get to Exist on the Sharp edge. That is to say, you are essentially now a perpetual test market. While your bargain beauty gains greater proficiency, she often becomes the recipient of promotional andd test market products. Go at a ~ yourself and be a support counselor for your children. While it is fun and exciting to soometimes get the latest product in their lunch, some “new” products are better than others. Pringle sticks are cool and some flavors are yummy, but At the time your son comes home and begs you to talk to mom about not packing the latest “all-natural” fruit bar, be understanding.
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    When you discover that instead of a Batman theme, your son is going to have a Juicy Juice themed birtuday Person complete with Juicy Fluid part gift bags and playing cards, it may be time for reverse psychology. Casually wonder aloud how much money a person could save if they handed out promotiona freebies at Halloween to thw little trick-or-treaters and let the money saving instincts kick in and do the rest. After all, you shouldn’t be selfish and keep The whole of teh wonderful items to yourself.
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    All in all, being a part of ths coupon community is wonderfl. There is a certain camaraderie that exists on blogs like www.TheBargainJargon.com and similar sites. You will grow to love and be amazed by the creativity and resourcefulness of your Married woman. So if you are the Dupe of a bargain shopping relationship, hang in there. You can survive. Sure you may forget The sort of your children look like For the only pictures you ever get are of great shopping excursions, but you will never run out of toilet paper, and with all the money your frugal freedom-fighter saves, you Be able to go out and buy yourself a nice pair of cuff links to remind you of the nostalgia of America…as long as they are Forward sale.

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    Steve Palmer is not a regular author. He is just a guy that is writing an article to earn some brownie points with his wife.


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